CHARACTERFARM

After I clocked in for the dinner shift at MonsterBurger, I checked the schedule and saw a new name: GrillMan - Adolph.

JJ, the assistant night manager, introduced us to the new worker before our shift started. His name was indeed Adolph. Adolph was taller than I was, and older. I figured him for at least a college sophomore. He had short blond hair, blue eyes, and a strong jaw. He also stood up straight with shoulders back, in comparison to the rest of us, who slumped and slouched around, letting our weight rest on any surface that would support us.

Adolph looked good, imposing even, in his new MonsterBurger uniform. His tunic was bright and shiny, his black pants had a sharp crease, and his black shoes gleamed with polish. His paper/mesh hat sat sharply on his head.

In comparison, my tunic was faded and permanently grease stained, my black pants shapeless, my shoes no better than a hobo's.

At the end of the shift, Adolph looked even crisper than when he had started.

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I found JJ in the cooler, counting tomatoes.

"Why would you hire a guy like that?" I asked.

"Like what?" JJ said.

"A Nazi," I said. "A guy named after Hitler."

JJ looked at me as if I had gone crazy. "Adolf Hitler, with an f," he said. "This Adolph is a ph."

"You don't see see any problem?" I asked.

"The guy shouldn't get a job," JJ asked, "because he has an unfortunate name?"

"Unfortunate, maybe," I said, "but not unavoidable. His parents named him that. They could have given him any name and they chose Adolf."

"With a ph," JJ said.

"Would you name your kid Lucipher?" I asked. "Would the ph make a difference? There's still a message, and most likely an expectation implied there."

JJ laughed out loud. "He's just a guy cooking some burgers."

"I'm going to keep an eye on him," I said, "as a favor to you."

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Adolph worked the grill for a few months. He kept to himself, didn't speak to any of us, didn't really acknowledge us at all.

During slow times, we all scattered, some outside for a quick smoke, some to the bathroom, some even restocked their stations. But not Adolph. He rarely left his post. When it got slow, he went to work with a spray bottle and a cloth, cleaning the outside of the giant grill, the counters, the steamer doors and the microwaves. His area was orderly and impeccable.

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"Looks like you were wrong about Adolph," JJ said. "He's become the best worker on the night shift."

"That just proves my point," I said. "For my money all that spit and polish makes him more of fascist Nazi bastard, not less."

"Don't let him hear you talking like that," JJ said. "He might goose step your ass right to the front."

"I'm Irish, myself," I said. "With a little German thrown in as well. I doubt I'm first on his list."

"You've gone insane," JJ said. "I may have to cut your hours."

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After some observation, I noticed that Adolph was stealing. He was using his obsessive cleaning routine as a cover. He rubbed and cleaned along the counter, until he got to the steamer where the fresh cooked burgers were stowed. With one motion, he opened the steamer, dropped his rag over a burger, and plucked it out, covered with the rag. After this he walked to the slop sink area in back, where I presume he stuffed down the burger.

I wasn't exactly shocked. Everyone who worked at the MonsterBurger stole food. But with most of us, it was an open secret. We covered for each other, handed CheesyMonsterBurgers over the counter to nonpaying friends and family, stashed stolen shakes in the walk-in refrigerators, casually grabbed a handful of fries when we walked past the fry station, and on and on.

It was the solitary aspect of Adolph's thefts that was disturbing. That and the fact that he was apparently risking his job over and over for plain burgers that had been covered with dirty cleaning rags. I didn't know what to make of it. I didn't know if he was a master criminal, or just a moron.

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One night I came to work a little late and went right to my station. I was busy and didn't notice for quite some time that there was a new GrillMan, a girl I recognized from my high school.

When the dinner rush was over I went back to the office and found JJ.

"Where's Adolph?" I asked.

"Gone," JJ said.

"For good?" I asked.

"For good."

"That's all you telling me?" I asked.

"That's it," JJ said. "I can't talk about it."

"Just nod if I'm right then," I said. "Was it the burgers under the cloth thing?"

"The what?" JJ said. "I have no idea what you're talking about. What burgers? What cloth?"

"So if it wasn't the burgers, then it was the other thing, wasn't it?" I said. "What I warned you about."

JJ didn't say anything, but as I was leaving his office I looked back just in time to see him give me an almost imperceptible nod.